Tag Archives: sick

The Journal of Dreams 01/23/2010

I was just thinking about calling my mother…she’s dead.  She died in 2006 unexpectantly.  I don’t know how many times I thought about calling her since then.  The day she died, I was living in Philadelphia and had been sick for 2 days, the flu or something and really bad laryngitis.  Feeling as though I couldn’t sleep anymore, and got up to start painting a picture for my daughter; the one I promised her for the past several years.  There was a specific photo of her I had in mind where she was wearing a velvet, olive-green, 1940’s short hat-the kind that just sits on the top of the head without sides and has mesh over the eyes to the lips.

I had started with the lips because I knew the detail of the mesh would be hard to do without messing it up.  Her painted red lips where a stark contrast to the olive-green of her eyes and the hat.  About 3/4 of the way through the lips I realized it was not that photo I had painted, it was someone else’s lips.  I continued to paint thinking I will paint my daughter’s painting after finishing this stranger I had found myself mysteriously painting.  I started thinking about the lips my mother used to put on napkins and give to us as children by pressing her painted lips against the soft paper.  They were kisses that were captured forever on the napkin that we could keep in our drawers, or books, or any place we wanted-forever.

The lips had evolved into almost the entire canvas, not leaving room for any other parts of the face.  I remember sitting there, smoking a cigarette, looking at the lips when the phone rang.  It was my father and he said:  “I don’t want you to crack up or anything but your mother is dead.”  I just kept saying:  “I know, I know, I know.”  I didn’t cry or feel shock.  I don’t remember what we said next, I just remember staring at the lips I had just painted.  Sometime after we hung up I realized I had starred at the lips for a while, wondering if my mother suffered at all and what exactly happened.  Then I realized I had been painting her lips at the moment she died…the kiss on the napkin that got bigger and bigger.

She was telling me goodbye through the skill that she had taught me, to paint.  She knew my great passion for painting and how more appropriate could it have been?  I named the painting:  MARY ANN’S LAST KISS and it rest comfortably in my private collection along with the other very special paintings which were given to me as gifts although painted by my hand.  Holy Mary is one-read about her on the home page and how she came to be at:  www.therevelationpainting.com.  The world is odd, things that happen are odd and I love these mysteries.  I miss my mother but know that she had a promise to fulfill for the time she was given.  If there is a God, he would not have let her leave if he thought she would not return.  She had an angel’s work to do.

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The Journal of Dreams-The Finale’

Today marks the twelfth year of the making of The Revelation Painting.  The official website goes up today and there have been countless hours spent looking forward and preparing for today.  I cannot believe today is here!  Although it is exciting, it is scary as well.  Today the realization hit me that it is serious now, more serious than it had been for these twelve years.  My mission is now etched in concrete and I alone am the master of its destiny.  What will it be like to awaken to the painting away from me a year from now, for the first time as it travels the world?  Like a child leaving home for the first time, I know it will sicken me.  What will it be like to go to sleep and not see the visions of what to paint tomorrow?

Time and creation is an odd thing for the human psyche.  This painting has become a part of me, my companion that I have toted with me for a lifetime.  Panic has not set in yet as I continue to enjoy the time I have to make this painting come alive.  I wonder if Michelangelo felt this way when he had to let go of his most magnificent works…forever?  Although I planned for the painting to travel to world with its messages, the world seems like a very huge place now and in the light of recent events globally, what if the turmoil of a country had a direct impact on the survival of the painting?  I just keep imagining pieces of the painting scattered among the ruins of a once vibrant city…an artist’ imagination.

Let me live for today and not let my imagination spoil my dreams.  Today will be spent with constant updating of social pages to increase the flow of people, awareness of the painting and to create a following.  I had run ads for a marketer who would work in their spare time (currently without pay), to promote the painting but received no response.  I can understand that simply because it is not their dream.  I imagine the value of the painting will soar and we could have made an arrangement.  Nevertheless, I will market it as best I can and try to build a network, offer incentives and maybe even ownership of pieces of the painting for a limited time.  That way people who are in need, will receive but not as charity.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and yesterday is gone forever.  There are many things to do, many plans to make, secrets and mysteries to blend into the painting and time continues to tick forward.  Life truly passes in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, this year will end and it would seem as though a dream.  I am up for the challenge and will consciously acknowledge everyday, several times a day so that it does not pass in the blink of an eye for me.  It is important to become organized and follow a strategic plan, to have goals and meet them, evaluate and reevaluate.  Today I will create a mission statement and follow it, I will look at the painting as not just art but as a business.