Tag Archives: plans

The Journal of Dreams 02/04/2010

Self evaluation has been on my mind lately.  I am getting old and since I work in healthcare, it is easily seen how diseases eat away at life.  Lately I have felt very fatigued which I contribute to smoking too many cigarette really.  When I am at home smoking is far more than at work.  At work, I smoke 3 cigarettes in 12 hours, maybe 4, but at home, I smoke a pack and sometimes two throughout the day when I am off.  Working or not, a carton of cigarettes are smoked a week, sometimes more.

Also, I am heavy, too heavy for a healthy body.  Although I do not think my cholesterol is high due to limited red meat intake, I am fat.  My job is very stressful.  That being said, there is one more thing.  I am female and am reaching the age where menopause starts.  For a woman, when menopause occurs important hormones end which protect us from heart disease.  Since heart disease is prevalent in my family, I now have a higher risk of death!

So I have four critical risk factors that are certainly killers.  It is time to make some changes.  It would be hell to complete this painting after all these years and fall over dead.  Just as I have made plans for this painting, essentially it has taught me a form of discipline by following through on goals in certain timeframes.  It is important to make certain goals for extending my life because now, I am a “dead man walking” and I am quite positive that is a fact.

Today I am not painting or working on the journals.  I am writing this blog then setting a course for victory against an adversary, what my mother called “the boogeyman”.  She told me a long time ago that he was after me which was quite disturbing but I looked at it with the typical:  “Yea sure, that happens to other people” attitude.  I’ve seen enough to know that if it isn’t you or the guy down the street, it is me…I am the other person.

I used to be quite athletic.  I was the pitcher for my softball team, used to run like the wind and was the fullback on the soccer team.  I won the trophy in high school for arm wrestling and beating everyone, male and female.  I was the greatest tomboy and fearless.  Not to admit to ever breaking the law, I could say that one time “I dreamt of driving a car 168 miles an hour”…;)  That would have been a foolish thing to do.  There is a value on life and today I will acknowledge it.

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The Journal of Dreams 02/01/2010

THANK GOD FOR CRAFT STORES!!!

I found myself slipping on the ice driving too fast to try to get to the craft store near my home in search of acrylic flakes of hologram.  I remember thinking it’s not worth a crash but then I remembered thinking Oh yes it is!  I was fearless relying on the greatest backer of this painting to keep me safe.  I imagined God watching me drive so fast on ice to get what I needed and shaking his head with a conniving grin on his face whispering “easy boy, easy”.

The size is big enough to capture the rainbow effect I am seeking.  They are like magnified glitter chunks ranging in geometric shapes around 4mm in size.  Seemingly slightly crushed and flattened back out, the minute creases and ridges capture and hold light from all angles so that the rainbow effect is luminous!  I will use this if nothing better can be found.  I had a dream last night about aurora borealis which is the coating (rainbow effect) on rhinestone.

Hours were spent looking at some of the most magnificent rhinestone in the world.  I found myself fascinated and thinking about all kinds of designs unrelated to The Revelation Painting.  I even downloaded a program which cuts stones in various faceted shapes.  Planning ahead to be a stone cutter, I was really caught up in the beauty of it all.  I deleted that program this morning as much as I want to do so many things, I just don’t have the time.

About seven years ago I was applying for Law School and was accepted in California.  I thought I could make the porcelain dolls I dreamed of in my spare time while working fulltime and going to Law School.  I even bought the books for the first 2 semesters, expensive business suits, a new computer…I was ready!  Then I entered an art show and was accepted.  Being encouraged to have the opportunity to do paint, my true passion, I dropped Law School.

I wrote some of the biggest art galleries in New York and after 6 weeks heard back and I was accepted for an entire year in residency.  Thinking my life would change I made frivolous plans to move to Manhattan.  I planned everything out, called “reputable” movers and got quotes, budgeted my money and waited until the last day on my lease to leave.  I had gotten rid of all my furniture and made my load fit in a 14 foot truck.

I took a travel job with good pay and the housing was set up, I googled and mapquested the area, the plans, and it seemed as though it would be a smooth transition.  I had money to last us a month or so, fill the new place with food, had maps of the subway system, planned to “go green” and stop driving and polluting the air.  Everything was set up perfectly and we were excited to get on the road and start our new lives!

The mover came and the quote changed to 4 times more than what he had originally quoted.  I did not have the money for that and I was as mad as hell.  That being said, I put everything my daughter and I owned in local storage with plans to get it out within two weeks.  We stuffed the car with what would fit and headed to Manhattan.  It took 4 days driving across the country to live my dreams.  I had never been to Manhattan…that was my first mistake.

We arrived and moved into a box of an apartment, essentially a storage room set up like an Ikea magazine ad.  It is amazing that a 300sf room can be labeled a one bedroom apartment!  I knew we were in trouble.  People don’t really drive in Manhattan and if they do, they pay around $400.00 or more a month to park their car in a garage because there is no place else to park it.  We lived within walking distance of SoHo, where the gallery was that accepted my art.

Needless to say, everything went wrong.  My car was robbed, I couldn’t get to the job by driving and going under the ground in the subway system was a nightmare.  I didn’t know where I was, where I was going, if my daughter was Ok…I tried to “be strong” but found myself in the absolute worst mess I had ever gotten myself into in my life!  One evening my daughter and I walked over to the gallery.  I remember seeing a sign that said by appointment only…I sat down and cried.

I never contacted the gallery.  My art was in storage 4 days away and I could not get it and even if I could there was no place to put it, I would end up leaving it somewhere.  My dreams were shattered, I had screwed up beyond screwing up.  Two years ago I finally got back to our belongings and put them into a truck promising I would never leave them behind again.  When I saw my art I cried so hard I lost my breath.

The Journal of Dreams 01/06/2010

Got up too late to do anything before work.  Feeling comatose.  Work over rides dreams today while functioning in survival mode.  That’s OK.  I did a lot the past 5 days…a whole lot.

When I get home in the morning, it takes about an hour to get sleepy so in that hour I will make a generic letter seeking investors or corporate donator of things I need to complete the painting.  On days when time is limited, I’ll copy and paste it, changing what is needed and get 10-20 letters sent out via email then I won’t feel like time was wasted or that I didn’t reach my goals.  Good idea?

Have to go to work now.

The Journal of Dreams-The Finale’

Today marks the twelfth year of the making of The Revelation Painting.  The official website goes up today and there have been countless hours spent looking forward and preparing for today.  I cannot believe today is here!  Although it is exciting, it is scary as well.  Today the realization hit me that it is serious now, more serious than it had been for these twelve years.  My mission is now etched in concrete and I alone am the master of its destiny.  What will it be like to awaken to the painting away from me a year from now, for the first time as it travels the world?  Like a child leaving home for the first time, I know it will sicken me.  What will it be like to go to sleep and not see the visions of what to paint tomorrow?

Time and creation is an odd thing for the human psyche.  This painting has become a part of me, my companion that I have toted with me for a lifetime.  Panic has not set in yet as I continue to enjoy the time I have to make this painting come alive.  I wonder if Michelangelo felt this way when he had to let go of his most magnificent works…forever?  Although I planned for the painting to travel to world with its messages, the world seems like a very huge place now and in the light of recent events globally, what if the turmoil of a country had a direct impact on the survival of the painting?  I just keep imagining pieces of the painting scattered among the ruins of a once vibrant city…an artist’ imagination.

Let me live for today and not let my imagination spoil my dreams.  Today will be spent with constant updating of social pages to increase the flow of people, awareness of the painting and to create a following.  I had run ads for a marketer who would work in their spare time (currently without pay), to promote the painting but received no response.  I can understand that simply because it is not their dream.  I imagine the value of the painting will soar and we could have made an arrangement.  Nevertheless, I will market it as best I can and try to build a network, offer incentives and maybe even ownership of pieces of the painting for a limited time.  That way people who are in need, will receive but not as charity.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and yesterday is gone forever.  There are many things to do, many plans to make, secrets and mysteries to blend into the painting and time continues to tick forward.  Life truly passes in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, this year will end and it would seem as though a dream.  I am up for the challenge and will consciously acknowledge everyday, several times a day so that it does not pass in the blink of an eye for me.  It is important to become organized and follow a strategic plan, to have goals and meet them, evaluate and reevaluate.  Today I will create a mission statement and follow it, I will look at the painting as not just art but as a business.