Tag Archives: money

The Journal of Dreams 02/06/2010

My endeavor was and is to write everyday this last year of the painting to show how life and work; dreams and goals are affected by everyday life.  Today this is the effect:  I received a call from the new manager allowing me to work as an agency nurse to make some money before I start the job to catch up on the bills already due.  Agency allows next day or rapid pay, so what hours I work today are paid to me tomorrow, therefore I can pay the bills.  Once I start the job, I do not get paid for 2 weeks, so life and work is  a priority.  The next few days will be sparse for writing because work starts today!

Advertisements

The Journal of Dreams 02/05/2010

This is what I have discovered about my health and the entry from yesterday.  There was a “Life Stress Scale” I learned about in nursing school.  Things which cause major life stresses are marriage, death, moving, divorce and a new job, and secondary stressors are diets, quitting smoking or other addictions, financial problems (if not major), buying a home, car, etc…  I am starting a new job in 10 days so it is not wise to change my life in a way that I have control over like dieting and quitting smoking.

I will start the job and give it 2-4 weeks, I am very adaptable.  Then I will start the diet for 2-4 weeks, then attempt to quit smoking.  In the interim, I will subtly decrease calories and start drinking water.  Sometimes I despise water although we as humans are 70% water.  I have never really understood my diversion of water when it is so important.  Slowly increasing it by drinking a bottle a day, then two, until I am at a minimum of 4 a day (20oz) is good.  Historically I have been known to jump from the frying pan into the flames so I will be conscious of change.

Today I cheated a little on the painting and jumped to Scene V-The Devil.  It is said that he was a beautiful angel, a dragon, serpent, so I definitely know he had/has wings and he is “beautiful”.  I had started him long ago with his seven heads and ten horns.  The halting of my progress was trying to discover how 10 horns fit one 7 heads and which heads are affected.  I still have not figured that out.  When I have problems with the painting I try to dream of the solutions.  Long ago I dreamed that 3 heads were larger and primary and had 2 horns each.

This has become a waste of very expensive paint.  How I originally painted The Devil was by placing dabs of Golden (the most expensive paints) Acrylic approximately 6mm high.  After time I developed a strategy where a certain amount of time passed where the paint became almost dry and I would smash the dabs as flat as they would go.  When they flattened, they would be about 2mm-3mm high and irregular in shape resembling lizard skin.  It was perfect and an exciting technique for the texture of the serpent or dragon.

I had even learned to shadow the dragon by placing 1/2 red and 1/2 brown in a single dab which caused a darker and lighter side to each “scale” of his skin.  Currently there is an estimated $800.00 worth of paint creating what is completed.  The wastefulness is the change I am contemplating although I may be able to save much of what has been created.  It is the color (of all things) I am thinking of changing.  The good thing is red and green make brown and the brown is determined by the ratios.  Changing from red to green may not be too harsh because of brown.

The heads were like snakes but now I want them to look more like dragons, powerful with flared out necks like a raptor dinosaur.  The image is fresh in my mind but the transition is not.  Definite sketches will have to be done in order not to waste the paint already used. It is estimated that nearly $2000.00 or more will be required to created this “beautiful” beast.  It seems ironic that of any character in the painting, he will need the most attention which is typical of his attributes and somehow expected.  It will be interesting to see the outcome.

The Journal of Dreams 01/29/2010

No wonder Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s heart was older than its time…

I understand.

Revelation \Rev`e*la”tion\, n. [F. r[‘e]v[‘e]lation, L. revelatio. See Reveal.]

1. The act of revealing, disclosing, or discovering to others what was before unknown to them. [1913 Webster]

2. That which is revealed. [1913 Webster]

3. (Theol.)
   (a) The act of revealing divine truth.
   (b) That which is revealed by God to man; esp., the Bible. [1913 Webster]

By revelation he made known unto me the mystery, as I wrote afore in few words. –Eph. iii. 3. [1913 Webster]

4. Specifically, the last book of the sacred canon, containing the prophecies of St. John; the Apocalypse or Book of Revelation or The Revelation of Saint John. [1913 Webster]

revelation

noun

1: the speech act of making something evident [syn: disclosure, revealing]
2: an enlightening or astonishing disclosure
3: communication of knowledge to man by a divine or supernatural agency
4: the last book of the New Testament; contains visionary descriptions of heaven and of conflicts between good and evil and of the end of the world; attributed to Saint John the apostle [syn: Revelation of Saint John the Divine, Apocalypse, Book of Revelation]

THE REVELATION PAINTING

~made known unto me the mystery~

Little was know what this all meant until today.  The core of this entire project shines into and around me.  The Revelation Painting has evolved from an originally religious painting to a painting which reveals truth in so many levels.  The truth of corruption and religion itself, the truth about power and its manipulation of humanity, the truth of how life is meaningless where the opportunity exist to make money and the true crimes against humanity occurring every single day!

Although it has “always been this way”, does it have to remain this way?  If a person was not born into wealth, does it make them any less of a human being?  This is the true core of the matter.  I tried to explain to a doctor once that the world is losing its humility, modesty and compassion for one another and he abruptly stated:  “We are human, we make mistakes.”  I thought:  “That is the biggest mistake of all; making excuses for ignorance as though that makes it unavoidable.”

Who, not what gives the wealthy of this earth the absolute right to make decisions which destroys human life?  It should be the other way around in a world where human existence has value.  Instead of having ten mansions that a person cannot possibly live in at the same time, it should be mandatory to forfeit minimally 10% of net income to a measurable cause.  Measurable, meaning the world see’s the effect and people truly benefit.

When you have some much money you can’t spend it, ten houses, 5 yachts, eighteen cars, and on and on, why not feed a child a piece of bread to give her strength to walk away from a vulture standing over her waiting patiently for her demise?  Why should any fellow human being have to endure that type of torture-EVER?  There are children in South Africa who don’t even know we have been to the moon…imagine.  In a way, that may be better, then they will never know how the world left them behind…our brothers and sisters.

They will never know how our greediness destroyed the earth and killed the dreams they never even knew they had…

In A World Not So Far From Your Own

In a world not so far from your own there is a distant rumble of horses’ hooves on cobblestone streets.
The spine chilling shrill of medieval swords mating in the moonlight conceiving justice and honor.
Beautiful souls seek desperately for the answers but haven’t yet asked the questions.

Murals depicting beauty and faith; angelic women fade from the walls of his castle.
Each season brings more unbearable heat and frustration…

The big fish, our brothers no longer sparkle in the twilight of the sea

as they did in their final rage.
Trees we planted, which in fact were faithful to the end are all gone now,
they house this realm we call technology.

In a world not so far from your own
ugly, hollow faces stare down on our children laughing at what we’ve left them:

No horses or swords to fight their battles, no forest to seek shelter,

no imagination from which to rebuild their dreams…
In a world not so far from your own.

The Journal of Dreams 01/17/2010

The snow is falling today.  When I got off work this morning there were frosted snowflakes on the windows of my car.  While I waited for the car to warm up, I took pictures of them with my cell phone.  The colors where sparkling blues, greens, yellows, oranges, just about every color of the rainbow.  Although I was freezing and tired, it wasn’t too much to sit for 10 minutes trying to capture the sparkle and magic of it all.  I think that is otherwise known as “smelling the roses”.

I studied the amazing natural designs and stunning details.  The colors were what I imagined God to be in The Revelation Painting.  The closest thing I know to that effect is hologram glitter.  It has every color of the rainbow within it.  Diamonds of course have that effect to but are not only out of my reach, I do not think I would give diamond thieves the satisfaction even if I had the money for them.  Search blood diamonds and see the stories.

I will be moving the 4 canvases down today and replacing them with 4 wooden canvases and start working on God.  I imagine this morning inspired me to start working on it.  I was going to work in the other direction since some of the work on those canvases was done long ago.  Maybe it is a better approach to work from start to finish in the direction of the painting, as I have already seen that the black horse is bigger than my original sketch and measurements in The Journal of Measures.

The need to sleep is overwhelming almost every time I try to paint.  I have set goals and am forcing myself to paint even if I do not think I can.  In effort to get relief, I built a page into the website called GIVE/TAKE where not only did I list the things needed to complete the painting, but I listed avenues for corporate sponsorship.  Hopefully someone will take an interest in the painting and support me enough to allow for restful painting instead of fatigued painting.  I am prepared either way.

The Journal of Dreams 01/13/2010

I started finishing up the black horse rider, Martin Luther King Jr., today.  Initially The Revelation Painting was a religious painting but in September 2009 I discovered information on the internet which would change all that.  Upon searching for investment gemstones and gemstone for the painting, I stumbled across information about The New World Order.  What I found devastated me!  Digging deeper into the plan for world dominance, I saw information about concentration camps being built here in the U.S., train cars with human shackles, coffin liners which hold entire families and I felt panic, and sick to my stomach.

I didn’t work for a week, up day and night reading this stuff.  I dug deeper and deeper into truth or lies…I had to know if it was real or not.  Somewhere along the line, I came upon John F. Kennedy’s assassination and the U.S. Treasury.  It seemed JFK had taken the American people’s money away from the U.S. Treasury and created Silver Certificates.  The money was backed by our silver, not the private bankers money of the U.S.Treasury (which is by the way NOT a government agency).  Kennedy signed executive order 11110 and five months later was killed and the money control was given back to the bankers!

It made sense to me.  Money is power all over the world.  I watched video after video of Kennedy’s assassination and how he was shot in the neck, a definite “death shot” and the head.  As a nurse, I knew that a shot to the head or neck would most likely end in death.  On one of the sites I was looking at, it discussed leaders who had been assassinated and Martin Luther King Jr., was there.  I started to read about his assassination and how he was also shot in the neck, and I thought WOW, what a similar coincidence!  Several days and nights passed while I read and researched, feeling all along that the more I dug, the more I uncovered.

After about a week of constant internet, taking naps, barely eating and only getting up to pee, I realized that Martin Luther King represented the black horse in carrying the scales of balance; the balance of equality and justice and that he had paid the last sacrifice for it…his life.  It was a time closer to me than today.  When I was in school, we were the students who were sent into the Africa-American neighborhoods to go to school, housed in trailers and separate buildings.  Our once “white” classes had become black and white.  Anger filled the air from both sides and even within the classes groups segregated.

Teachers spoke arrogantly and drilled equality into our heads while all the time fear permeated in their eyes waiting for a riot or rebellion but it never came.  After time, we blended into one but many straight A students began to fail, some dropped out and it was a high price to pay for the good of the world.  Lives were changed forever and destinies were altered.  It is funny when I look at America today and the subtle separations in the work place and even video stores where “black” music and movies are separated from others, where especially when Obama was elected how it black this and white that was and still is the core of subjects.

Race should never be brought into subjects which include the nation as one, as a whole.  I do not think about those times in a negative way, although I was one of the straight A students who dropped out of school in 12th grade.  As an adult, I look back on that time and feel proud that I had an opportunity to be a part of a changing history, even if a high price was paid for it.  Those students were never mentioned and the effects it had on us as productive members of society were never mentioned either.  We were the ghost of change that no one saw, that no one remembered, yet we never forget.  Subtle segregation destroys our sacrifice and the many years it took to become regrouped into life and pick up where we were left behind.

I wondered about the end of the world, how this New World Order “take over” played a role in the painting.  I saw so many similarities and began to see the Four Horsemen as segments of time, that their colors represented races of people, then from my medical training, I saw that the four primary races were the same colors as the Four Horsemen and that time was passing in the same way as they were ordered:  White (Caucasoid), Red (Australoid), Black (Negroid) and Pale (Mongoloid).  As you can imagine, I thought I was going insane!  Had I uncovered the ultimate mystery?  Was this the meaning of the Four Horsemen?  There is another mystery I uncovered about the world and I realized destiny.

From childhood, this dream and nearly everything I’ve experienced has tied into the painting.  My rebellion, disappreciation for life and learning valuable lessons, to have the humble and sacred opportunity to look into someone’s eyes when they are dying and seeing beyond the physical or material and into the core of a soul.  The two most things that have affected me as a nurse were with old, African-American women.  I worked in a cath lab where they run a scope through the groin and into the heart to see of you have any blockages.  There was an old, woman who had chest pain and needed the scope.  She was afraid, like intuition.  She didn’t want to have the procedure done.  I respect that in people because often times something happens.

I had spent extra time with her trying to ease her fear.  The doctors called for her and I walked over to her bed.  I said:  “The doctors are ready, everything will be alright.”  Her pupils were dialated in flight or fight, the ultimate sign of fear…she didn’t say a word.  I leaned over to kiss her cheek and she grabbed a little gold cross I wore on my neck and held me there, close to her.  She was staring at the cross, still not saying a word.  A tear rolled from the corner of her eye, she looked into my eyes and I knew she trusted me and even more so, she trusted that cross.  I took it off and placed it in her hand and she was wheeled away.  Was that moment for her or me?  Did she teach me about faith that day?

The other woman was in the emergency room, she was old and I mean old!  She was over 100 years old.  I remember thinking of all the things she’d seen in her life, all the changes and what she had to have been through.  It became very busy and she was left waiting for a room upstairs.  After about 2 hours, I was going to look in on her,  I walked toward the curtain pulled around her bed and saw through a crack in the curtain her curled up body, hunched over holding a huge magnifying glass in one hand and something else in the other.  I thought:  “What is she looking at?”  As I got closer, I saw it was one of those little New Testaments.  She was reading the bible and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen!

A smile slowly crept across my face in the middle of a war zone emergency room.  Everything stopped for those few seconds and I stood in awe staring at her.  I imagined how absolutely huge those words were to her eyes with that gigantic magnifying glass.  I walked up to her bedside and read through the looking-glass with her.  She was reading Psalms.  I wished I had paid better attention to exactly where she was reading.  There was probably a message there for me but in my haste I missed it.  But I remembered that day, I remembered her and I will never forget that it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

The Journal of Dreams 01/09/2010

There are many things I still need to complete the painting.  I wrote movie stars, corporations, churches and the response was ZERO!  I really do not expect a response anymore and as I stated before, I am not religious but I am learning to make my own decisions.  I suppose how we treat each other is what is ailing me, how our priorities are about “me” and to hell with the rest of the world!  When did all of this happen?  Working in the inner city trauma centers, it is easy to feel as though everyday is a battle.  The moment you step through the door, you are at war!  Yet people think that it is a privilege for someone to save your life when it is the other way around.  This country has lost the simple humbleness of human nature.  

I did something the other day after seventeen years as a nurse that I never thought I would do.  When a patient demanded that I give her morphine because she ran out of money for her heroine.  I thought:  “Who does she think she is?”  She doesn’t work, drains the system, my taxes pays for her addiction, her ambulance rides, her entire life!  She demands drugs, treats people like shit, calls us cunts and whores, so I asked her:  “Do you need morphine?”  She said:  “YES, you stupid fuck.”  I said:  “Your realize I can do that for you-right?”  Her eyes went down, she knew she had overstepped the invisible boundary.  I continued…I said:  “I can save your life, YOUR LIFE!  What can you do for me?”  She started crying and I walked away.  The doctor didn’t give her morphine and she put her clothes on and went to the next hospital.  

Like these medical shows where people make a million dollars an episode to act like us, yet we can save their lives!  What about the athletes who make millions and we can save their lives too.  Look at all the actors and musicians who are dead from drug overdoses.  Could it be that they have just a little too much money and needed something to spend it on…I mean really, how many things can you buy a Saks’ Fifth Avenue before there is nothing left to buy…really?  

Who thought Tiger Woods was a saint-you?  I know I surely didn’t!  A sex fiend with so much money he doesn’t know what to do with it!  Do you have enough money to pay your rent for 6 months if something happened to you?  What about a year if you needed to?  That is the problem, you have enough today so you go watch a $15.00 movie and line the pockets of someone who DOES NOT give a damn about you.  America makes icons of dope addicts just because they have talent that appeals to them, is there not more to life?  

Profound inspiration exist in a world not so far from your own!  

Pulitzer Prize Photo-Kevin Carter (photographer) who at 33 committed suicide

 

I believe that America is the great whore in Revelation.  When You read it, New York City and other equivalent cities come to mind and those cities have something in common.  New York is the money capital of America, even Wall Street is there.  The Statue of Liberty (having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication).  I spent my life walking around blind with 20/20 vision, and finally I am beginning to see!  

http://www.essortment.com/all/statueoflibery_rnvz.htm  

Originally the Statue of Liberty meant freedom, a safe harbor for all who would come to America, but over time she has become the icon for nonetheless, true filth and abominations of the earth compared to the time of her origination.  It was not meant to be this way.  I watched a show, something about the Free Masons and a murder and the symbols behind the Statue of Liberty.  

http://www.google.com/search?q=free+masons+statue+of+liberty&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&ie=&oe=  

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=com.microsoft%3Aen-us%3AIE-Address&q=free+masons+statue+of+liberty+murder&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=  

It is not a human being described, it is what the city stands for:  

The “great whore”, of the biblical book of Revelation is featured in chapters 17 and 18.  Many passages define symbolic meanings inherent in the text.  

17:4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:
17:5 And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
17:6 And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with great admiration.
17:9 And here is the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth [King James Version; the New International Version Bible uses “hills” instead of “mountains”].   

From wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_Liberty
…it has been claimed that the seven spikes or diadem atop of the crown epitomize the Seven Seas and seven continents  

17:10 And there are seven kings: five are fallen, and one is, and the other is not yet come; and when he cometh, he must continue a short space.
17:11 And the beast that was, and is not, even he is the eighth, and is of the seven, and goeth into perdition.
17:12 And the ten horns which thou saw are ten kings, which have received no kingdom as yet; but receive power as kings one hour with the beast.
17:15 And he saith unto me, The waters which thou sawest, where the whore sitteth, are peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues.
17:18 And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth.