Tag Archives: hospital

The Journal of Dreams 01/18/2010

Six more days (actually nights) until this job ends.  Last night I took care of a lady who brought an ambulance in to the hospital EMERGENCY ROOM because her “butt bone” was sore from dancing the night before.  No wonder our country is in such debt and trouble.  The ambulance drivers say they cannot turn anyone away if they want to come to the hospital.  Another guy used the ambulance to get a ride to the other side of town by saying his big toe hurt.  He came in and left.  So what happens here?  The people are on “public assistance”, that means your money and my money pays for their lives-EVERY ASPECT of their lives.  That means, their food, their water, their alcohol, their shampoo, their dancing, their ambulance cab rides, their disability trips to London, France, roundtrip, their passports, their apartments and houses, their cars, their gas, their methamphetamines, their jail time and hospital bills, their 3 hots and a cot when they get arrested for selling vicoden, morphine, Oxycontin gathered from 2 days of hospital hopping receiving legal prescriptions over and over making more money than I do!  We pay for their degrees while in jail, their rehab when they run out of heroin money so they can receive methadone to stay buzzed until their first of the month check rolls in again, their free food, free utilities, vouchers, free disability equipment they sell on Ebay, and so on and so on and so on.  And all the while other people work 13-14 hour shifts, break their backs and pay for it.  Whatever…Land of the FREE (for real), home of the brave…America.  I’d better go to bed.

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The Journal of Dreams 01/09/2010

There are many things I still need to complete the painting.  I wrote movie stars, corporations, churches and the response was ZERO!  I really do not expect a response anymore and as I stated before, I am not religious but I am learning to make my own decisions.  I suppose how we treat each other is what is ailing me, how our priorities are about “me” and to hell with the rest of the world!  When did all of this happen?  Working in the inner city trauma centers, it is easy to feel as though everyday is a battle.  The moment you step through the door, you are at war!  Yet people think that it is a privilege for someone to save your life when it is the other way around.  This country has lost the simple humbleness of human nature.  

I did something the other day after seventeen years as a nurse that I never thought I would do.  When a patient demanded that I give her morphine because she ran out of money for her heroine.  I thought:  “Who does she think she is?”  She doesn’t work, drains the system, my taxes pays for her addiction, her ambulance rides, her entire life!  She demands drugs, treats people like shit, calls us cunts and whores, so I asked her:  “Do you need morphine?”  She said:  “YES, you stupid fuck.”  I said:  “Your realize I can do that for you-right?”  Her eyes went down, she knew she had overstepped the invisible boundary.  I continued…I said:  “I can save your life, YOUR LIFE!  What can you do for me?”  She started crying and I walked away.  The doctor didn’t give her morphine and she put her clothes on and went to the next hospital.  

Like these medical shows where people make a million dollars an episode to act like us, yet we can save their lives!  What about the athletes who make millions and we can save their lives too.  Look at all the actors and musicians who are dead from drug overdoses.  Could it be that they have just a little too much money and needed something to spend it on…I mean really, how many things can you buy a Saks’ Fifth Avenue before there is nothing left to buy…really?  

Who thought Tiger Woods was a saint-you?  I know I surely didn’t!  A sex fiend with so much money he doesn’t know what to do with it!  Do you have enough money to pay your rent for 6 months if something happened to you?  What about a year if you needed to?  That is the problem, you have enough today so you go watch a $15.00 movie and line the pockets of someone who DOES NOT give a damn about you.  America makes icons of dope addicts just because they have talent that appeals to them, is there not more to life?  

Profound inspiration exist in a world not so far from your own!  

Pulitzer Prize Photo-Kevin Carter (photographer) who at 33 committed suicide

 

I believe that America is the great whore in Revelation.  When You read it, New York City and other equivalent cities come to mind and those cities have something in common.  New York is the money capital of America, even Wall Street is there.  The Statue of Liberty (having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication).  I spent my life walking around blind with 20/20 vision, and finally I am beginning to see!  

http://www.essortment.com/all/statueoflibery_rnvz.htm  

Originally the Statue of Liberty meant freedom, a safe harbor for all who would come to America, but over time she has become the icon for nonetheless, true filth and abominations of the earth compared to the time of her origination.  It was not meant to be this way.  I watched a show, something about the Free Masons and a murder and the symbols behind the Statue of Liberty.  

http://www.google.com/search?q=free+masons+statue+of+liberty&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&ie=&oe=  

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=com.microsoft%3Aen-us%3AIE-Address&q=free+masons+statue+of+liberty+murder&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=  

It is not a human being described, it is what the city stands for:  

The “great whore”, of the biblical book of Revelation is featured in chapters 17 and 18.  Many passages define symbolic meanings inherent in the text.  

17:4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:
17:5 And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
17:6 And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with great admiration.
17:9 And here is the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth [King James Version; the New International Version Bible uses “hills” instead of “mountains”].   

From wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_Liberty
…it has been claimed that the seven spikes or diadem atop of the crown epitomize the Seven Seas and seven continents  

17:10 And there are seven kings: five are fallen, and one is, and the other is not yet come; and when he cometh, he must continue a short space.
17:11 And the beast that was, and is not, even he is the eighth, and is of the seven, and goeth into perdition.
17:12 And the ten horns which thou saw are ten kings, which have received no kingdom as yet; but receive power as kings one hour with the beast.
17:15 And he saith unto me, The waters which thou sawest, where the whore sitteth, are peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues.
17:18 And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth.  

The Journal of Dreams 01/07/2010

The black swirls are dry enough to highlight with Interference Blue but I can not find it.  Interference Blue is a white powder that when disturbed turns metallic blue.  For me it seems a color associated with heaven.  Tonight my daughter and I are heading to the craft store, I will look for it there.  In the interim, I will apply the human or synthetic hair to the black horse.  I can’t find that either…frustrating.  Out into the great wide open to find what I need…

We are back after roaming the entire city!  I found a synthetic black hair with silver in it, 18″ in length.  The human hair at that place was outrageous!  When applying synthetic hair you always have to be aware of heat applied.  I usually blow-dry the hair after applying sealer.  The distance is critical or the hair will try to turn into an afro as it shrinks.  I bought human red and blond hair for the red and pale horses.  They are in the distance and the hair can be much shorter.

This hair is different from what I am used to working with.  Usually I work with hair on a track,  This hair is one continuous 36″ piece that requires cutting in the middle.  It is crazy because I absolutely cannot stand for the hair to get stuck to my hands.  It sets off a panic within me as my fingers become intertwined with the binding hair.  After I work on this, I will write more this evening.  It is snowing out, so it is a perfect time to work on inside things.

The hair is in its place but I used far more than I wanted.  It covers the riders chest that I worked so hard on to make it look muscular and in correct anatomy…it was indeed a “pretty” chest.  The swirls within the horse’s body were created by mixing Yes paste (a thick, professional grade glue) and black acrylic paint.  I sealed them with hard wood floor polymer.  I suppose the evaporation of moisture from the glue made them shrink.  I would have liked the swirls to maintain their deep texture.

John, the carpenter said something very inspiring.  I was talking about the small army of black horses under the current horse and he said: “when they x-ray the painting, they will see all of those.  They always x-ray famous paintings”.  He must have been impressed.  I felt my cheeks flush up reminding me of the shyness I used to have before I grew distant and cold in my heart after becoming a nurse.  I should have done art all along, it is my true love.

I worked on the official website some more.  Updating the event board and coloring it is more appealing.  I placed clues to mysteries on some pages.  People keep calling me Sir, I suppose most people think I am a man and leaving it that way might just get me further faster.  The website allows 5 pages, so I purchased 5 extra for 10 total to make a store for prints and associated items.  I saw mugs, hats, t-shirts and all kinds of stuff which can be made.

Well, I work the next two days.  What it feels like is when you start to get the flu or a cold, when you feel achy and a little dizzy.  I’ve felt this way hundreds of times and know I am not getting sick, I am just tired.  This job ends on the 28th.  Twenty days and 12 shifts.  Imagine working a job where you count down the days until you leave several times a year, for years and years.  The gypsy in me misses the freeway I’ve traveled so many times.

I stand outside at work in the middle of the night smoking and listening to the freeway sounds and see the headlights calling me.  Sometimes I feel like just walking away and never looking back, then I stomp out my cigarette, take a deep breath and turn toward the door.  I pulled my shoulders back and say:  “One more year, just one more year.”  When I step through the doors and smell the “hospital smell”, I forget about my dreams…I am a dedicated little soldier.