Tag Archives: difficult

The Journal of Dreams 02/02/2010

It is Groundhog Day today and the sun isn’t up yet.  I love winter but not when my life is unstable.  The cold and dreariness makes it difficult to step out of the house.  I haven’t worked in several days and fear of the future is wearing thin.  Often times I wonder if my life is so difficult because I seem to live it against the grain.  My motivation is sinking…not depression just tired-tired of thinking and thinking.  My mind is on an endless rollercoaster ride that never stops.  Sometimes when it is bad like this, I seek religion.  Today I will buy a medallion of St. Michael, the Archangel to protect me from negativity, to protect The Revelation Painting, and to help me shake these bad feelings of being conquered.  Believe it or not, sometimes I think about tearing up the canvases of the painting and leaving it all behind.  It must be the gypsy in me that has forever kept me moving.  It is true that a rolling stone gathers no moss.  At least if I were working, taking care of people, I would feel better.  I miss the people.

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The Journal of Dreams 01/11/2010

Today I am too tired to fight about things I cannot change.  I remembered my old dad telling me “Don’t go around trying to change things, it’s been that way for a hundred years.”  It is very difficult for me to accept it when it is as simply put.  Imagine if no one ever tried to change anything-ever?

My apologies if I offended anyone.

I have come to a decision to add a page to the official website called hemorrhage where I will write about what I think is wrong and how it affects us, our nation and the world.  Then people can make the decision between right and wrong for themselves.  This page is directly related to Scene II-God and Truth-The hemorrhage of Pigs!  It is where the second painting of politics exist within the first painting of religion.  It is the beginning of the painting within a painting and where the ancient battle of good v.s evil is alive and well.

I am working on sketches of Kennedy.  He is a difficult man to sketch.  His jaw is larger than normal.  In researching JFK, I found information which I did not agree with, like his father being a boot legger, JFK’s own sexual infidelities but then I tried to imagine what it was like for him to rise from the life of his fathers becoming what he came to be.  It was a great achievement, prehaps the greatest for any mortal man.  His heart was good, or he would not have made it as far as he did.  He reminds me of me, rising from the “ashes”, seeking good for humanity and not just for myself.

Martin Luther King was the same way.  He had an alledged affair and at sometime his way of thinking must have changed and it must have been like the world around him came into focus.  Did he realize that he was a very small piece of a much bigger plan.  Is it when you realize this, you begin realizing your destiny?  I should have invested some time of my life in philosophy.  Pondering is with me even in my dreams.  I once heard a man say it is far better to die standing than to live your life on your knees.  That is a good philosophy.