Tag Archives: critical

The Journal of Dreams 01/02/2010

I am astounded and crushed with disappointment and in the turn out for the new site.  I am unsure exactly what I was expecting.  I will have to test every aspect of the site and see if it is appealing, discover its faults, look at all available options and fix them.  I like to think I am intelligent enough to do that.  I feel angry, wondering if this dream is clouding my judgement, but most of all, I feel hurt.  I thought that the site would bring people from all over the world, exploding in interest…well, it did not and tomorrow is another day.  Maybe my resistance against religion is playing a role in this, something that I cannot see…like faith.  I have always said I have to see to believe and maybe that is wrong.  If there is a God,, that means there is a Devil and maybe he is trying to stop me, it is a religious painting after all.

Today I have four canvases to paint, The Four Horsemen.  This will be the 9th time I have repainted the black horse.  He is stubborn.  The vision I had in my head is not easy to paint and I am realizing that I must set myself free in order to paint him.  Every time it is his body which looks out of proportion compared to the rider and the horse’s own head.  I imagined the horse to be much bigger than I am allowing myself to paint him.  I went through the sketches in the Journal of Measures and can see that he is over nine feet tall but I keep painting him seven feet tall.  It requires a lot of white paint and I made a critical error using red permanent marker because I could not see the correct pencil lines to follow, now blue, yellow and lead.  The red marker keeps bleeding through the white requiring coats of paint.

Another mystery I have yet to uncover is that I have over 10.000.00 views on my combined sites and only 6 comments.  Do people think I am insane, or full of shit, or what?  At least if they do, I wish they would say it.  I checked and rechecked the comment ability on my sites and even had my daughter write a test comment from her computer and it works.  What could be keeping people from commenting?  I will look for a site analytic program that can tell me where these views are coming from for the official site.  I imagine people reading the blogs with their eyes wide open, biting their fingernails trying to see “the big picture” and thinking it is impossible to create such a massive painting.  A lot of times people say:  “Where do you keep it?”  I laugh and say: “In my apartment.”  They say: “God, where do you live?”

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