I am astounded and crushed with disappointment and in the turn out for the new site. I am unsure exactly what I was expecting. I will have to test every aspect of the site and see if it is appealing, discover its faults, look at all available options and fix them. I like to think I am intelligent enough to do that. I feel angry, wondering if this dream is clouding my judgement, but most of all, I feel hurt. I thought that the site would bring people from all over the world, exploding in interest…well, it did not and tomorrow is another day. Maybe my resistance against religion is playing a role in this, something that I cannot see…like faith. I have always said I have to see to believe and maybe that is wrong. If there is a God,, that means there is a Devil and maybe he is trying to stop me, it is a religious painting after all.
Today I have four canvases to paint, The Four Horsemen. This will be the 9th time I have repainted the black horse. He is stubborn. The vision I had in my head is not easy to paint and I am realizing that I must set myself free in order to paint him. Every time it is his body which looks out of proportion compared to the rider and the horse’s own head. I imagined the horse to be much bigger than I am allowing myself to paint him. I went through the sketches in the Journal of Measures and can see that he is over nine feet tall but I keep painting him seven feet tall. It requires a lot of white paint and I made a critical error using red permanent marker because I could not see the correct pencil lines to follow, now blue, yellow and lead. The red marker keeps bleeding through the white requiring coats of paint.
Another mystery I have yet to uncover is that I have over 10.000.00 views on my combined sites and only 6 comments. Do people think I am insane, or full of shit, or what? At least if they do, I wish they would say it. I checked and rechecked the comment ability on my sites and even had my daughter write a test comment from her computer and it works. What could be keeping people from commenting? I will look for a site analytic program that can tell me where these views are coming from for the official site. I imagine people reading the blogs with their eyes wide open, biting their fingernails trying to see “the big picture” and thinking it is impossible to create such a massive painting. A lot of times people say: “Where do you keep it?” I laugh and say: “In my apartment.” They say: “God, where do you live?”