Tag Archives: angels

The Journal of Dreams 02/02/2010

It is Groundhog Day today and the sun isn’t up yet.  I love winter but not when my life is unstable.  The cold and dreariness makes it difficult to step out of the house.  I haven’t worked in several days and fear of the future is wearing thin.  Often times I wonder if my life is so difficult because I seem to live it against the grain.  My motivation is sinking…not depression just tired-tired of thinking and thinking.  My mind is on an endless rollercoaster ride that never stops.  Sometimes when it is bad like this, I seek religion.  Today I will buy a medallion of St. Michael, the Archangel to protect me from negativity, to protect The Revelation Painting, and to help me shake these bad feelings of being conquered.  Believe it or not, sometimes I think about tearing up the canvases of the painting and leaving it all behind.  It must be the gypsy in me that has forever kept me moving.  It is true that a rolling stone gathers no moss.  At least if I were working, taking care of people, I would feel better.  I miss the people.

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The Journal of Dreams 01/23/2010

I was just thinking about calling my mother…she’s dead.  She died in 2006 unexpectantly.  I don’t know how many times I thought about calling her since then.  The day she died, I was living in Philadelphia and had been sick for 2 days, the flu or something and really bad laryngitis.  Feeling as though I couldn’t sleep anymore, and got up to start painting a picture for my daughter; the one I promised her for the past several years.  There was a specific photo of her I had in mind where she was wearing a velvet, olive-green, 1940’s short hat-the kind that just sits on the top of the head without sides and has mesh over the eyes to the lips.

I had started with the lips because I knew the detail of the mesh would be hard to do without messing it up.  Her painted red lips where a stark contrast to the olive-green of her eyes and the hat.  About 3/4 of the way through the lips I realized it was not that photo I had painted, it was someone else’s lips.  I continued to paint thinking I will paint my daughter’s painting after finishing this stranger I had found myself mysteriously painting.  I started thinking about the lips my mother used to put on napkins and give to us as children by pressing her painted lips against the soft paper.  They were kisses that were captured forever on the napkin that we could keep in our drawers, or books, or any place we wanted-forever.

The lips had evolved into almost the entire canvas, not leaving room for any other parts of the face.  I remember sitting there, smoking a cigarette, looking at the lips when the phone rang.  It was my father and he said:  “I don’t want you to crack up or anything but your mother is dead.”  I just kept saying:  “I know, I know, I know.”  I didn’t cry or feel shock.  I don’t remember what we said next, I just remember staring at the lips I had just painted.  Sometime after we hung up I realized I had starred at the lips for a while, wondering if my mother suffered at all and what exactly happened.  Then I realized I had been painting her lips at the moment she died…the kiss on the napkin that got bigger and bigger.

She was telling me goodbye through the skill that she had taught me, to paint.  She knew my great passion for painting and how more appropriate could it have been?  I named the painting:  MARY ANN’S LAST KISS and it rest comfortably in my private collection along with the other very special paintings which were given to me as gifts although painted by my hand.  Holy Mary is one-read about her on the home page and how she came to be at:  www.therevelationpainting.com.  The world is odd, things that happen are odd and I love these mysteries.  I miss my mother but know that she had a promise to fulfill for the time she was given.  If there is a God, he would not have let her leave if he thought she would not return.  She had an angel’s work to do.

The Journal of Dreams 01/21/2010

I spent the majority of the day looking at the faces of lions, calf’s, and eagles.  These are extremely beautiful animals!  I also researched meaning and perceived meanings of The Four Living Creatures.  I found other parts where they are mentioned but the description is different.  I am wondering what these creatures truly represent but more so wondering what my personal connection to them are.  These are the creatures I have dreamed about since I was a child and through all the photos I have searched, there are no similarities from any other artist’ that come close to what I imagined they look like.

I learned a lot from painting the black horse and being unprepared.  I cannot repaint the creatures over and over because I am using real feathers for their wings in some places.  It seems like all the art I have done throughout my life is somehow tied to this painting.  I used feathers in several paintings depicting angels of one sort or another.  Feathers are hard to manage, you have to put down an adhesive and gently work the feather into it with a stiff brush to capture the detail of each individual line which make up the feather itself.  They are very delicate and need patience which is a lacking attribute for me.

Painting eyes on feathers might pose a critical problem.  Even placing the feathers might cause degradation after time since they are carbon based (once living).  Hopefully the lacquer will seal them forever leaving minimal opportunity for deterioration.  I might consider painting feathers under them in case they deteriorate.  White feathers are the best, then from what I learned about highlighting to created depth in texture from the sky, I can color them grey, or other colors and the white is like fresh, white canvas allowing the actual color to show in its brilliant and true pigment.